quizás no fué el tiempo ni fué el momento no tiene lógica el argumento a veces la vida es así tan cerca estuvimos alma con alma tu piel con mi piel quemó toda la calma aún no pudimos concebir que el hecho de no actuar y no abrazar lo que era nuestro fué el error que viviré para siempre
cómo sería que hubiera sido de mí si ese día no te hubiera dejado partir cómo sería besar tus labios cada amanecer poder perderme cada noche en tu querer cómo sería
por culpa del miedo o del abandono sinceramente no sabía como apostar un beso contra la eternidad quizás soy la culpable de este destino y sé que hoy no haría lo mismo no te dejaría escapar el hecho de no actuar y no abrazar lo que era nuestro fué el error que viviré para siempre
cómo sería que hubiera sido de mí si ese día no te hubiera dejado partir cómo sería besar tus labios cada amanecer poder perderme cada noche en tu querer cómo seria
soñar sin sentir dudas cómo sería respirar sin desesperación cómo sería jamás preguntar quizás cómo sería. . .
Subrrayame las partes que te sentis reconcida en este tema y mandamelo jajajaj besos
okay so today was a good day at school for me!!! I actually did a good hair cut today and i did a nice style on it!! im really excited cuz it all came out good. It was a 45 degree angle cut and that means it was shorter on the bottom and longer on top. I was just happy that i didn't butcher it. So then. I came home and ate dinner and had to call my aunt because my teacher gave us the assignment of doing our first haircut on an actual person!! I called my cousin and asked if I could cut her hair and she said yes so I was sooo happy cuz that means she's got long enough hair that if i had messed up I would be able to fix it! So yeah. I did a really good job though. I only cut off a little bit about two inches. But. she had thick hair so I wasn't used to cutting thick hair. haha. It all came out okay she really really liked the hair cut! She said that her friend had ruined her hair before my cutting it herself and it was all messed up with odd length layers here and there. So she was really happy when I cut it because I evened it all out for her and it looked really nice.
Brad and I didn't work today. I was really really happy because he came to school to surprise me after I got out of class!! That was really nice. I love him so much! he always tries to do little things like that! So it was nice to walk out of class and see him. I'm really glad that I don't work tomorrow either. I don't work now until saturday! YAY! I am learning how to do a pedicure and a manicure tomorrow. So that will be nice to know how to do all those things together. Then, brad and i will go out for our date night. Prob. a movie and then just hanging out together. I love seeing and spending time with him because when we spend time together its like the whole world melts away!
Well, I am going to get going now. Im kind of tired now.
Just stepped out on the porch to have a smoke. And I'm standing there thinking and realize what tomorrow is. Today, whatever. Friday, August 29th. Next Friday will be September 5th. That day's never great for me, but it just happened to hit me while I was standing on the porch. Staring into the darkness, a lone tear started to form in my right eye. Then in my left. Before I knew it, more began flowing.
Now, I'm not a cryer, folks. A tear from me is quite a feat...but every time I think about dad, it's all that happens. September 5, 2004. In one week, it will be four years, and although I know that each day passes, and I look at the date and see each month and year gradually flying by, it never feels any different. I thought that as time went on, it would get easier, but every day hits me like a ton of bricks. Good days and bad days, good days and bad days, it's supposed to keep in that constant rotation...but as is my standard, I break away from the norm. I do what I can to make every day a good day, but each day passes, and especially on the days that I talk to mom, it makes me realize that I can't talk to dad, which in turn breaks me down.
I don't ask for sympathy, nor do I ask for compassion. That's just not me. I've lived so much of my life with people offering one or the other, but never offering any help for what issue I was facing, save for my family, so for me, sympathy and compassion are just kind words that are nice to hear, but never really do much to take the pain away.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I just wanted to say something about how much I miss dad. For so long, I took my parents for granted, but especially dad, due to the fact that I was so close to him.
And so, on September 5th, probably around 6AM, which is my norm for this, I will be going to the cemetery. Whether it's in jeans and a t-shirt, shirt and a tie, I don't know. But I will be there. Just thought I would post this.
When I started going to college, some 13 years ago, it marked what was effectively the start of a long, slow uphill climb for me. At that age, I was nowhere near the sort of person I wanted to be. I was almost painfully shy, was never able to truly stand up for myself (the words just seemed to stop at the back of my throat), I had a poor self image in most areas, and I wasn't able to really let loose and have fun unless I had a few drinks in me (since I hardly ever drank, that was not very often). I won't say where I got these traits or how, but I think most of you can guess.
I had a string of relationships through college which were, shall we say....emotionally trying. It was one particular relationship that started my backbone growing, though. After I'd set him straight in a painful way (for him)... that was where my long, slow, and still-going climb out of that shell I was in got it's beginning. Over the next few years, I had two relationships that not so much tested my reserve as laid me bare so I could rebuild myself in the image of the person I so desperately wanted to be. Though I made the decision to end both of them, it took a few years to heal from these two relationships. In that time I eschewed dating altogether and was, in fact, totally afraid of men.
In some points in my life, I happily received the changes that were happening in my character and in my life, but in other points in my life, the changes were so fundamentally altering that it left me feeling raw and vulnerable and very emotional. That was the feeling of my spine straightening and growing stronger. It was the feeling of the parts of me that were at odds finally meeting and accepting each other. I was left bare so that I could be rebuilt from scratch (or so it seems).
In short, I have come a long way in those 13 or so years. In this last while, I have not had to face it alone, the way it seemed I always had to before. I share myself with someone who both takes me apart and helps put me back together again, stronger. Also, in this last while, things have happened in my life that have reminded me that although I have come far and am getting closer to the "me" I love, I still have a long way to go. My loner-ness is being called into question and, if I don't force myself to be more outgoing, I can lose my job. I am at a healthy size of 5'8" tall and 190 pounds, but my self-image was called in question yesterday when a total stranger on the bus began calling me a fat pig and making oinking sounds. It hurt, no doubt about it.
A very large part of me wonders if I am equipped to make such giant changes in my fundamental personality. I don't know that I am strong enough...but the option is to give up and know defeat. I don't know whether or not this is a testing point, whether or not it's important for me to take it on as a challenge, or move on. Won't I be beaten up equally either way?
I keep telling myself.... I have gotten this far, what's a little further? I am laid bare again, it's seems.
Water: Some may have expected this trait to be a Fire attribute, but really Water, *youre* the unpredictable one. Your rivers may overflow, your seas becoming tsunamis in the blink of an eye. In a bad mood, no one wants to be in the middle of your warpath. And just as likely is that you may be calm and not even a drop can be moved from your glassy surface of patience. If people think you are cold and engulfing, then they dont really know you. Water powers are empathetic to others emotions. While never really conveying their own, they can easily sense and empathize with those of the people close to them. You are probably the most mature of all of the Elements and will sometimes use it to try and help solve situations. On the down side of things, you might not have a very flowing sense of humor. Or if you do, other people dont understand it very well and so, believe you dont really have one. As for the other Elements, you are most compatible with Earth. Why? Some people may ask, but that is how it is. You and Earth are good together, even if you may not always make the best of lovers. Air is a good choice in companion for you as well. However, beware that many small things could blow up into larger proportions when it comes to the Air people. And of course, Fire is your least compatible. With Fire, things are fast, hard, and passionate. Things with Fire will most likely end very quickly and connections severed but still lingering.
some know, some don't, so i wanted to let you all know that miss merle and i are combining our witchy brains once again! saturday is the second dark moon of the month. just as powerful and magical as a blue moon!!! soooo we are putting together a lil somethin somethin to really make the night special. hopefully we will have it all set and ready to go by friday. so if you are in, check in on either merle or my page friday or saturday. this spell should be a good one! hope we can get a lot of you together, cause last one was FUN!!! i'm still getting business. LOVE IT!! :) just think of the possibilities when we all get together..
ha!! this is more like it:
ok. later skaters. i'll see ya on the flip side. i've got dreams to catch. ;) ((((hugs))))~ alysia
Dessert: Pie (apple, cherry, key lime, etc) and cookies
Beverage: Tea, water, wine, beer
Song(s): Breathless
Band/Musical Artist: Depeche Mode, U2, Green Day, rock, new wave, 80's music.
TV Show(s): Family Ties, Alf, Man vs. Wild, shows about sharks & other wildlife shows, programs on history, Bonanza, Andy Griffith, Three's Company, Westerns, adventure, etc.
Actor/Actress: Gregory Peck, Kirk Douglas, Natalie Portman, Harrison Ford, Lana Turner, Steve McQueen.
Clothing: board shorts, t-shirts, and tennis shoes.
Hobby(s): weight lifting, hiking, going to the beach, volleyball, going to the movies, going out to eat, hanging out with friends, wine tasting, traveling, going to the beach, horseback riding, taking walks, cooking, etc.
Song: Led Zeppelin's "Fool in the Rain" ; James Taylor's "Up on the Roof," "Sun on the Moon," and "Copperline" ; Rupert Holmes's "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)," etc. etc.
Band/Musical Artist: James Taylor, Duran Duran, Alanis Morisette, Nelly Furtado, Depeche Mode, Seether, Staind, etc.
TV Show(s): The First 48, A Haunting, Intervention, Mystery Diagnosis, Man vs. Wild, Mystery ER, Trauma-Life in the ER, A-Team, Airwolf, Andy Griffith, Three's Company, etc.
Movie(s): Dodgeball, Dumb & Dumber, My Cousin Vinnie, Tommy Boy, Kung Fu Panda, Ratatouille, The Hound and the Fox, Happy Gilmore, etc.
Actor/Actress: Tom Hanks, Jim Carrey, Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Fred Astaire, Ginger Rogers, Martin Short, Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts, Steve Martin, Harrison Ford.
Clothing: Jeans, tank tops/spaghetti straps, short sleeved tops, flip flops, sandels, fleece, hooded jackets, anything comfortable and low maintenance.
Hobby: Hiking, running, weight lifting, wine tasting, eating out, going to the movies, going to the beach, horseback riding, taking walks, reading, cooking, traveling, learning foreign languages and about different cultures, animals, my pets, etc.
Animal(s): Cats, dogs, horses, donkeys, frogs and toads, turtles, sharks, dolphins, octopi, rhinos, hippos, tigers, lions, cheetahs, hedgehogs, elephants, otters, porpoises, seals, anything! I LOVE animals!!!
Weather: Occasional rain (once a month would be nice), occasional snow, four seasons, moderate, mild weather. Nothing over 80, 85 degrees. A little humidity is better than arid conditions. I don't like the wind.
Sport(s): running, hiking, gymnastics, volleyball, dance, etc.
Athlete(s): Michelle Kwan, Mary Lou Retton, Shannon Miller, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird (Kareem, Magic, Larry=homeage to 80's basketball! :) )
The last time the Treasury (ie, we the taxpayer) stumped up cash for a painting it was £381,500 to help buy Titian's ‘the death of Actaeon' for £1.8m in 1972. Now Actaeon, painted by the same guy, different pose (he cropped up a fair bit in Ovid's Metamorphoses, which Titian must have liked), is on offer again, this time from the Duke of Sutherland, for the price of £50m, plus another Titian, again for £50m once we've swallowed the first. We are advised that these are bargain prices. Indeed, I have a feeling they are - it would imply inflation in artwork of less than 10% p.a. whereas it has gone up quite a bit more than that. But of course if we are never going to sell them the bargain is of less interest. We have to analyse this on a cost-benefit basis.
When I read the first reports it was a question of the National Gallery (which has, I think, 11 Titians) having had them since the war as a centrepiece and keeping them on. The National Gallery has something like 5 million visitors a year (albeit non paying), so it may well be this is not unreasonable: over a period of twenty years it is £1 a go excluding interest to see both. But further investigation tells us that they are in the National Gallery of Scotland, in Edinburgh. The NGS website doesn't say how many visitors they have but it must be nothing like as many, maybe a million or fewer, and so the cost-benefit analysis equation is greatly altered. If you think this approach a little crude, remember that the alternative is not that the pictures are destroyed, it is that they are on view somewhere other than the UK. It would be easy to grant an export licence only if they were sold to someone who would display them.
Perhaps in these days of cheap foreign travel we should be looking in a different way about ‘saving pictures for the nation'. It would probably cost someone in Wales no more to see the pictures in the Guggenheim than to go to Edinburgh by train and spend the night in an expensive hotel.
I am wary of mentioning the other aspect of them being in Scotland that gives me doubts, but I will. People who yesterday were lauding the achievements of ‘their' athletes (who were in fact competing for Team GB) now say the pictures must be saved for ‘the nation', which means the whole of the UK is expected to pay, while the Scots have free prescriptions, no university fees and higher spending per head.
And I would be more comfortable about laying out £100m if I thought we were doing our best to preserve British arts (who else can be expected to do it?): not just in painting but literature, drama, sculpture, music (the National Lottery money goes largely towards funding productions of Italian Opera). A country's first (not only, but first) duty is to promote its own culture.
I don't want to sound grumpy but I think we should let the Duke of Sutherland sell his pictures, tax him to the full (this must be a capital gain if ever I saw one), and spend that money on something more manageable. Like a museum of the British arts. If we've got any left after that we could buy the Raphael he also wants to flog off.
Unless Alex Salmond wants to chip in from the Scottish taxpayer.
The day that Ricky Nelson died was also the day that I realized my family was something to be scared of.
My youngest sisters' farmhouse was a place of magic, a place of mystery and a place where a 10 year old boy could learn about the world through the lives of animals. It was also a place of terror, and the source of a story that I think it's probably time to tell.
It's not that I think it's anybody's business, but I do feel that there are some things that I need to shed from my programming. I don't believe that telling this story is going to immediately cleanse me, but I kind of think it might give people a better perspective on who I am.
I'm standing in my sisters' living room, opening a new "Return Of The Jedi" Millenium Falcon model and staring at the TV telling me that Ricky Nelson was no longer sharing our air.
My father, my mother, my brother, my sister, her husband and my niece are in the kitchen. Everyone is waiting for the arrival of my oldest sister, her husband and their son ( my nephew ).
-29 Mainly Clear.
It was a very good day, and the smell of Christmas-y food filled the entire house. It was because of such varied work schedules that we had to combine our Christmas gathering with a New Year's Eve celebration.
The rest arrive:
My neice, my nephew and I are downstairs. We're playing with our new toys and basically working hard at being kids. Upstairs, the adults are chatting, preparing food and drinking.
A crash.
Us three kids look toward the basement ceiling as a glass rolls across the floor. Everything then gets quiet.
We march upstairs, and I take notice of the various bits of chaos scattered around the kitchen.
My mother has my brother pinned to the floor (he's an adult).
Everything from the table is scattered on the floor and the table is on it's side.
My oldest sisters' husband is outside, with his shirt torn off.
My younger sister is fleeing the house.
My father is standing there, holding a potato masher. This was the most ridiculous thing for me to notice.
My other brother-in-law is nowhere to be seen ... for a few moments.
Then he bursts out of the bedroom, pointing a shotgun at all of us.
"Get off me you fat bitch".
I look down, and my brothers' face is going red. My mother refuses to let him stand up.
The shotgun goes off, we all look up and see a massive hole in the bedroom door. It's at this point that the whole thing gets even more scary, or ridiculous.
We're not sure what prompted my brother in law to turn to fire the gun into the bedroom door, but soon he has it pointed back at us. Can it be believed that I still love the guy who was pointing the gun at us?
We're not sure what to do, but my attention goes from my mother - who's still sitting on my brother - and my brother-in-law pointing a gun at us.
He mutters something else, and she decides it's time to let him up. She does this cautiously, and my brother is immediately up from the floor.
He then picks me out of the crowd:
"I bite!"
He screams this weirdness into my face, and vanishes into the living room.
It's now that my oldest sister starts backing us kids out of the door, and into the cold. My parents soon follow. Imagine this ragtag group walking entirely backwards out of the house, not wearing our winter clothes and just socks.
Then imagine us all racing for our respective vehicles.
My father starts the car, we speed down the driveway and up the road my sister is on a horse, galloping toward the neighbors house. We assume to call the police.
My father pulls ahead of her, stops the car and rolls down his window. My sister stops the horse and looks down. She's crying and obviously cold.
"Get in".
She shakes her head, continues down the road and we watch her vanish around a corner.
Those of us who fled the house all end up back at my childhood apartment, eating frozen fishcakes and vegetables for our Christmas meal. I skip directly to this because the in between parts are a collection of various tidbits from various family members.
Apparently, it all started with my brother slapping my oldest sister and my father punching my brother in the face. We're still not sure how my one brother-in-law ended up shirtless on the front lawn.
We do know that my gun happy brother-in-law ended up jail, and it was a long time before our family could ever attempt to be in the same room together.
There's a little something that you didn't know about me. This was also inspired by Jen's encouragment to get more personal, but also by the fact that I've been thinking a lot about this event.
Just when I thought I could not possibly handle anymore stress life decided that more was needed. I am pretty sure this is a test of my character. Hopefully I pass.
I just wanted to say that I am under a great deal of personal stress that I thought was letting up but is not. This is the reason I have not been around much. And probably won't be around for another week or so.
Don't give up on me yet. :)
I have will pass this test. No. Matter. What. Come h*ll or high water I will be back to scrapping LIFE - both the good and the bad.
****
See this little box down to the left? (Well...you would have to visit my other blog to see it... )
Choose one of these options (on the other blog) and you can be notified when I am back to blogging.
C'mon. I know you hang off my every word....
[ Obviously my ego has not suffered any type of blow with all this life stuff going on ;) ;) ;) ]
I was born and raised in the city of La Verne, about forty five miles east of LA. I have an older brother and a younger sister. My brother is an extraordinary artist, he graduated from the Pasadena Art center with a bachelors of fine art in 2007 and just got married when I moved back from Japan in April of this year. My younger sister just graduated from high school and just started collage at the university of Idaho. My parents divorced when I was ten years old and we had to move out of our house because my dad couldn't afford it anymore. My dad remarried a few years later and it wasn't until just this last year that my mom remarried. Growing up I was always the rebellious, do it my way kind of kid. I always had to learn by making my own mistakes. Honestly, I think that is the best way, although it's a bit harder than just taking someones advice.
I have had the opportunity to travel to many places in the world, including a tour in the middle east, thanks in part to the U.S. Air Force. I joined the service right after high school. I saw that staying home would have led me down a much less productive, and fulfilling path than if I had joined the military, plus I think I have always be somewhat of a patriot at heart. I've been in the Air Force for just about four years now and have enjoyed just about every minute of it. I just recently found out that I have been selected for promotion to staff sergeant, a big step in my military career. It was hard to leave my family and friends, but it has been even harder being apart from Natalie, during my three year tour in Japan I was able to see her only three times, just about once a year. We kept in touch by phone and internet, but nothing can replace the actual feeling of being in each others company.
Getting married is something that we have been talking about for a long time. Trying to achieve our goals, both career and education wise, has put a strain on our ability to really plan and save for a wedding. With the military too is even harder, finding out these last few years that unless you and your significant other are man and wife, there is not too much the military can do to help you out as a couple. That is one of the reasons us being married would be beneficial to our long distance situation. The thought of just heading off and doing it spur of the moment has crossed our minds, but I know how much having a proper wedding means to us and our families. It is just really hard to be able to get together and sit down and put plans on paper. This opportunity would be such a life changing event for the both of us. I just hope that we have shown ourselves deserving of the perfect wedding. Like we have said before though, this has been such a great opportunity in itself, being able to take the time and reflect back on where we came from as friends and how our relationship has grown and matured into the wonderful relationship we have now, just getting this far has been so great. Thanks KIIS, we hope to hear from you soon!
Ok so we had our interview today for KIIS...man oh man, lol. Jenn and I were nervous. We nearly missed our interview because of traffic (ofcourse) but luckily we made it with a few minutes to spare. Well anyways Jenn was really nervous but not me i played it cool haha, jk. it was akward sitting in front of judges and being hooked up with microphone's sitting in front of lights and a camera. Luckily the judges interviewing us were really cool. Hopefully we stood out in their minds because I know this is really important to us but mostly for Jenn, and I dont want to let her down. There were some things that I wanted to cover for the judges but at the time I guess I was nervous and got caught up in the moment and never said it : /. So we are keeping our fingers crossed that we hear back from them letting us know that we are moving on. Whatever happens though its turned out to be a pretty cool experience coming this far. Best of luck to the others
i wish things could be simple again. like when you were little and all you expected of people was that you could make a friend one day, never see them again, and never shed a tear for that. not because you didnt care, but because you didnt expect a commitment. you could let them go.
